Professor, I thank you for opening my eyes to history and politics in a way I never thought possible. Your clear, passionate teaching has sparked a love for these subjects I never had before.
As a parent, I’ve made MANY mistakes too—some very similar to what you described—and I know the pain of public scrutiny. Please know I don’t think less of you for sharing your story; I think more of you for being honest and human.
Your work has inspired even my own writing—I’ve shared two poems (one on my Substack and one with you via pm) that came directly from your videos. Thank you for being real, and for the incredible work you do. The world needs voices like yours, and I’m so grateful you keep speaking.
I appreciated this open and honest, self aware take.
Are you familiar with the work of Gabor Maté? Maybe some of his parenting lessons and talks about childhood development would be helpful. He has multiple books and lectures on YouTube about parenting.
The main takeaway for me is that to make sure you don't take your stress out on your children, since they absorb it, is to work hard on learning to de-stress yourself. Prioritizing your happiness and calm, grounding yourself as best you can and modeling emotional resilience and acceptance for your children to witness might go a long way.
But there is no perfect answer to being a parent and it's easy to spout theory. But I do think energy travels so make sure to take care of yourself. You can't pour from an empty cup. I hope you find some practices that help you de-stress and find more joy in the present moment. You talk about heavy stuff. It's important you find ways to have fun and enjoy. I don't think it will takeaway from your work.
Great point. The professor talks about his own trauma in his post. Gabor talks quite a bit about how trauma shapes us, our decisions, and how we show up in our relationships with ourselves and others. And most importantly, how to heal ourselves as well.
I DID NOT comment for potential advertisement purposes but people are liking the comment and I think my content is genuinely helpful and good so here we are lol
Indeed, a thoughtful sharing. “Agency is neither attitude nor affect, neither blind acceptance nor a rejection of authority. It is a self-bestowal of the right to evaluate things freely and fully, and to choose based on authentic gut feelings, deferring to neither the world’s expectations nor the dictates of ingrained personal conditioning.”
― Gabor Maté, The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture
Based on this and the video I think you need to get your child evaluated for health and behavioral issues. His behavior does sound abnormal for a 4 year old. However, things like blaming him for wanting sweets and suggesting that affects his eyesight (at 4) and how you described his feelings and motivations as a middle child tells me that you need to work on your empathy for your child. Just like you don't know what the motivations of the teenagers at the pools were, you don't know your sons motivations until you can build trust enough to ask him and get a truthful answer. You both need therapy. The idea that a parent believes their 4 year old is inherently bad is very dangerous.
I do not believe that my child is inherently bad. I just had a long conversation with my wife about what happened this past week, and I apologized to her for putting her two sons in such dangerous situations. She believes that the main problem is that my middle son and I have different worldviews and personalities, which leads to conflict and misunderstandings. My wife believes that my middle son finds me aloof and distant (which I can be), and does not believe I love him. Sometimes, I over-react and sometimes I under-react, which is all very confusing to him. This trip to Canada may prove to be traumatic to him, and my wife says that she will focus on paying more attention to him when he returns to Beijing. The best therapy in the world is a mother's love.
The things the Professor described does not warrant this type of arrogance towards his parenting, let alone anyone. One cannot possibly know the entirety of a family's inner dynamics, despite the Professor being very open of these recent incidents. Children are children, some are naughty, some are calmer. They are not some well-trained, command-ready pets. And he is only 4 for God's sake.
On another note, dear Professor, if your beloved middle son has problems with eyesight, that might contribute to his naughtiness (independently from his unique personality). My cousin used to be very naughty and also could act extremely violently when he was 3-6 years of age. It turned out he had big problems with his eyesight. With eye treatment and glasses, he calmed down significantly.
Kissing the ground is almost always my first reaction I return to my home countru from my simple European touristic journeys. So I can only imagine your frustration given that you were assessing possibilities of a future in Canada with your family.
Glad to have found you and your channel. Looking forward to learning from you.
I'm not sure if you saw the video. He spanked and slapped a 4 year old who was screaming crying because of chlorine in his eye to the point that an adult and the staff intervened and called the police. That is not normal and, giving him the benefit of the doubt, the way he described that his son acts doesn't sound normal either. I'm not being arrogant, I understand how traumatic family systems are created and would not like to see any child brought up in one when other things are possible. I also believe the Professor is capable of doing better.
Western values are very different from its eastern counterparts (from Eastern Europe to Middle East to Asia) and are difficult to get accustomed to due to neoliberal decay (although it is applicable to most countries to some extent)
The best therapy in the world is having two parents who want to be the best parents they can be. It's not just a Mother's Love, it is your love too.
Parental responsibility is bestowed on a mother and father as one of sacred service and a gift of creation and needs to be respected as such... possibly more than any other service. It is not transactional and calls for no obligation in return from young ones. If there is a tendency to dominate and control, this needs to be nipped in the bud.
Gentle love, care, nurturance, protection and guidance are what is needed until the child can think and act with intelligence and conscience. Our presence, awareness, morality and emotional attunement with our children helps to support their unique gifts and individual development.
Yes I agree. More than they want candy and video games, he wants a strong connection with you. Just curious, how much time do you spend playing with your children? The best therapy is both parents love.
1) Processed sugar can cause behavior issues, especially affecting developing children.
2) Video games and excessive screen time can cause extreme damage to children's eyesight. One of the biggest concerns of parents in my practice (most parents cannot fathom why, which is the bigger issue).
3) I am not sure that you look like someone who should give health advice. Sorry.
Anyway, of course all children are unique, and some are quite a handful. Not all parents and children get along, nor will they ever get along. Personalities clash.
With that said, like the professor, I was abused as a child. My mother would be dangerously violent for no reason quite often. We never saw eye to eye up until her passing. Our worldviews were so different, and it was what it was.
Anyway, what my mom did was in no way what my father did. His occasional spankings on the bum only occurred as needed, and they always woke me up to pay attention. I swore that hitting children was not a way to parent. I have no use for child or animal abusers. However, maybe especially for boys, spanking and discipline from the father is sometimes warranted and needed. People need to understand the world and consequences. Part of the problem with places like Canada.
Not a parent, didn't watch the video, am completely clueless. Nonetheless, I have an opinion!
Personally if it was my child I would be somewhat satisfied with this. If at the age of 4 he is independent enough to go out like that and start demanding ice cream from strangers, he is doing a good job. Yes he fainted, but that is inevitable. Growth will always have an element of danger and pain. To resist those elements is to condemn that child to stagnancy, a kind of half-life. I am biased here because that was my life, if I have children it will very much be the pendulum swinging to the opposite extreme (unless I have moderated by the time I have kids). The key to this is that the child believes that they are operating independetly and are outside the parent's line of sight, whilst actually not being so. To maintain a watchful and protective eye on them without them knowing, and ideally without the possibility of their knowing threatening their independence later down the line.
Again, an uninformed opinion, but it seems therapy is a joke. I have been to very good therapists in my life. They are good people, but they do not do anything I cannot do on my own! I don't doubt that perhaps my psychological state could be helped through some sort of arrangement with another person, similar to therapy. But the institution of "therapy" as it exists in the West is a joke. There are good therapists, no doubt, but therapy is not good, and certainly not needed. It is institutionalised rationalisation and excuse-making.
As for abnormality, is this not good? I don't know about anyone else, but I don't want my kids to be "normal". They deserve better than to be a statistic. They deserve, fundamentally, to be human, to be alive, to be REAL. Forcing them to conform to an arbitrary and comedic standard of "normality" is cruel and offensive. It's like saying "yes I brought you into this world, but I don't actually care about you, I see you as an ornament". It is disrespectful. Children are not a function to be optimised, they are people.
Ahh, my parenting opinions are all incorrect, I will change them undoubtedly when I come to raise kids. But the vibes will likely remain the same, whether they are correct or not.
on your point on therapy: i'm in therapy now and it's EXTREMELY helpful, but i have also saw a different therapist for 2.5 years and got nowhere. i think people (esp Americans) suggest therapy as a solution to everything, because it can be scary to figure out how to navigate all the shit you can experience as a human and it's hard to find healthy ways to deal with it. however, therapy isn't accessible to many, it's also NOT perfect or even a great solution for certain people.
i think my thing is...being able to take responsibility for your decisions--no matter how they turned out--is always going to be better than blaming someone else/pretending like you have no idea how your life got the way it is. i feel like the prof is at least attempting to do that here. it's hard to do that publicly, and i appreciate his willingness for the most part. there are many ways of doing taking responsibility for your actions/your life, and many ways of dealing with normal human issues. therapy is ONE way that helps SOME people. but i think many people also use it ("you NEED to go to therapy. it's the only way to deal with this.") as a way to not engage deeply with uncomfortable/nuanced issues.
are you serious? the first incident was understandable, Jiang.
but this time, YOU let your child run off; found him unconscious; got threatened to have the Children’s Aid Society come after you; and somehow realized that this was a sign from god to leave Canada? really?
this is the second incident, presumably, in the same week.
you screwed up, not with the youtube video, not by spanking your child, but truly, by letting him run off, especially at such a young age, in a country where he doesn't even speak ENGLISH.
what were you thinking, Jiang?
it may appear as if i'm being rough on you.
but, get it together, because the sign from god is to be more careful with your children, not whatever the hell you think it is.
i pray you don't allow another incident like this, because next time, you might not get the chance to fix things before something irreversible happens.
There's no signs from any gods. Only rationalizations for your mind to justify what it already wants to do. You want to leave Canada and return to Beijing, guarantee had been thinking about it, and came up with this idea of a sign from god to justify it to yourself.
I get it, I used to think the same way. Was brainwashed by Christianity as a child. But I've spent decades rewiring my brain to cut out the ficticious middle man and take control of my own actions and thoughts. It can help you greatly with self control if you realize it's all on you to regulate yourself. No invisible sky entity needed.
Humans have a free will but the irony is that we can never wield it once we grow our consciousness from being a toddler. Our brain is preequipped with some fundamental structures to interpret the world. So even though you think you are making your own choices in life, you are being heavily influenced by your environment, friends, culture and the world.
Yeah this makes me terribly said; here we have one of the greatest instructors of our age explaining himself to a population which can include 16 year olds in their parents basement. The Professor does not owe any of us shit except to sharpen our thinking. His channel never promised anyone he was the perfect model for a father. Peoples entitlement in giving him unsolicited advice is actually a sign of whatever comes next, if not the end! I wouldn't even deign to address this man out of respect for his mind, but here's some non-brainer telling him how to organize his life. Some world!
There's no signs from any gods. Only rationalizations for your mind to justify what it already wants to do. You want to leave Canada and return to Beijing, guarantee had been thinking about it, and came up with this idea of a sign from god to justify it to yourself.
I get it, I used to think the same way. Was brainwashed by Christianity as a child. But I've spent decades rewiring my brain to cut out the ficticious middle man and take control of my own actions and thoughts. It can help you greatly with self control if you realize it's all on you to regulate yourself. No invisible sky entity needed.
That's literally what he just said, he was contemplating whether to be in Canada or China and this whole event that was out of his control was a sign for him to leave Canada and he is probably right, this will help to protect himself and keep him safe so its good for him and protective. I don't believe in coincidences.
Stop humiliating yourself and trauma-dumping in the comments.
He need to escape from this Canada insanity to normal place where you can slap/spank your kid in public or let the 4 Years old kid be alone without even knowimg language
Oh stop it with the new age let the kids run around like savages. I was spanked as a child. We all make mistakes in the middle of frustrating situations that we haven’t dealt with before. I find your tone very condescending. You sound like those people that love to call 911 if you hear a mom say no to a kid in a store and the tantrums begin. Well, get a grip. The world is not spinning around the ego. Children are hard to raise. The me too movement and the can’t even say you look great today I love your hair causes a lawsuit as if it’s an insult to compliment a person or how dare you notice I’m a woman bull crap. You might even be accused of worse things. We are in a judgmental world and people like you and the fat one talking about health lol🙄🙄🙄 you are internet warriors and trolls. And which of the millions of gods are you referring to? Which sugar daddy in the sky? I’m pretty sure it’s not the god that says judge not lest ye be judged😂
One of the aspects of 'genius' is having the ego-strength / confrontational nature to stand up to the status quo. Hence getting into trouble pretty easily. Maybe the naughty son is the most like you? Ha.
It's been such a fun ride following you. I've watched 95% of your content, almost finished (and excited for the coming semester with you).
I also lived in asia for many years, and came back to "the west" recently. Similar shock as you, the culture changes and price hikes, the divisiveness.
Don't sweat the kidcident. Your latest vision is correct, get out of there. Let the wife manage the kids while you focus mental energy on a vision for a global movement. Glad you came to your senses! Phew. Keep us updated!
A concept from one of my favorite books (relates to game theory): there are two types of games. (1) Games we play to win, and (2) games we play to keep playing. Finite and infinite games. We play infinite games for the sheer enjoyment of play. Like love, relationships, teaching, and deepstate corruption, the players want the play to continue. Infinite games can be composed of many smaller finite games, but all players know they want the infinite game to continue. Book author is James P Carse. Profound and perhaps inspirational, should you ever be in the mood for non-classics reading. Keep your head up Prof, you're an amazing person and exception father, your children are lucky to have you. Honored to be here. Wish you a safe flight home.
Lolololol WOW, Jay B, please enlighten us with more of your wisdom on parenting, body and emotion awareness, and the role of wife and husband. I'm guessing you have many children and a perfect marriage to arrive at such wisdom that you can lecture other parents and "know" what toddlers are feeling despite never meeting them. Your comments were so truthful and constructive, you've not only show the Prof that you are a superior intellect, you've shown me the error of my ways. You're comments like "you cant..." and "you need {{this thing you dont have but I, Jay B, have}}" have changed my life for the better. You topped it off with "good luck with your trauma" which has me dazzled with your wonderful aura. Your emotional awareness is peaking bro. My wife married the wrong man, if only she met you first!
I hope the prof won't mind that I confront some of you turkeys with your keyboard gobbles. Feel free to enlighten us with more of your valuable, constructive wisdom! How should we undo the hurting, would more icecream fix it?
4 years old are unbearable. That’s why they are cutest looking at that age, to protect them from violence and rage of parents. Also they need a leash and emotional contact with parent at this age. Not with a teacher, educator or controller, but with you as a human being. The way your son acts is all right but may turn wrong direction in future. Problem is you taking path of least resistance. Slapping is a lazy way. Giving too much freedom is a indulgence to yourself being busy with other things but children.
I highly recommend Robert Sapolski book “Behave”. To get deeper into human behavior.
I don't communicate with my child enough. He wants me to tell him stories. I want him to play in the pool or in the park, while I sit there, and brainstorm ideas for videos. You are absolutely right. I'm there physically, but not emotionally. That's the root of his misbehavior -- he's desperate for attention.
I think this is it, and I had a very similar experience with my father at his age. I'm sure there are many cases. I now work as a child psychiatrist (possibly with the hope of better understanding human behaviour) but nothing compares to the difficulties and challenges of one's own children. I think your diagnosis of the issue here is apt, you can't have it both ways or take shortcuts with your children, they need and want your full attention and they know when it isn't right.
I can understand why he loves having you tell him stories, you are a very gifted story teller! Your videos are proof of your talents. Being a human is hard. Never mind being so vulnerable to share publicly and open yourself up to criticism and scrutiny of others. We all have struggles and must endure this lifetime to grow, change and evolve. Be kind and compassionate to yourself even as you make mistakes and learn from them. Easier said than done.
My fondest childhood memory was sleeping in on the weekends with my dad. We would lie in bed with him telling me stories in history like that of 刘邦和项羽 (I'm Chinese who immigrated to Canada at young age like you did). Most of his stories had some moral lessons to them, and I absolutely idolize my dad. I also developed a lifelong love of history hence watching your videos and becoming a fan. But my dad was a doctor and super busy, he would also speak me as I got in more and more trouble. Eventually, we grew apart as I got older. I am now father of a two-year old toddler. I vowed to myself to try to be the best dad I can be and grow up with my boy. As much I love watching and learning from your videos, I truly hope you can make LESS videos and spend more time with your young children. One way or the other, they will grow up in no time, and you don't want to have regrets like my parents do because they missed out on their son's childhood while they were busy working. Your children is God's blessing to you, and you don't want to squander it!
I’m from Canada myself (Quebec) and I definitely agree that it is a dying society. I don’t see it lasting another 50-100 years as a whole country. The western provinces will most likely separate along with Quebec.
Something to consider, perhaps, is what type of project/outlet Predictive History is. Up until recently the youtube videos read to me as an intellectual project, but recently they seem to have become a personal outlet. A physically dangerous mix, it seems. I never watched the video, but I am not surprised by all this. The increased focus on Canada felt to me more like a rant, and I did not treat the argument with the same respect I've given other videos. Perhaps Canada could have been treated as case study. Perhaps Jiang's own experience could have been presented as framing, an acknowledgment that personal experience is limited in its rhetorical applications. Instead it seems the channel, and indeed the larger community project, has become a vehicle for a more personal type of self-expression. Personally, I am interested in lectures. not influencing.
As a Canadian, I agree that the social dynamic can be stifling and “statically charged” — ppl _hate_ to stand out.
That being said, from what you’ve shared, I don’t think the way these events rolled out is particular to Canada — for example, spanking is extremely disapproved of in most of the western world, regardless of parental race. I would like to stress that I’m not invalidating any racism you felt in these experiences as a whole though.
I am sorry and saddened that you have not felt at home here Prof Jiang. It’s probably best not to share personal things (at least, personal “dramas”), even though your innate educator wants to share your insights. At the least, it’s very psychologically punishing to try and weigh the spectrum of the hundreds of opinions you’re receiving.
Take care and just ride this out to the other side.
it's a hard road to walk, trying to educate on social media. there are basically no structures in place to support scholarship the way that journals have editors and such... and the (plat)form does create an impetus to be more personal. More than that, really. it rewards it.
whoever deleted that reply about jiang's post being an "eastern saving face" thing - that's some loaded 1800s white colonizer bullshit. leave it in the grave with the east india company please and thank you.
Why not? Are we not allowed to understand cultures on their own terms?
Perhaps "eastern saving face" is a wrong assessment of things. Certainly westerners save face too. But you don't reject it because you claim it is factually incorrect, or perhaps inaccurate and misleading even as a mere generalisation. You reject it because you see it as "morally incorrect" and "outdated".
If we make it impossible to try to understand people because we might "dip into old and unpleasant views", then other cultures will ALWAYS remain alien to us. Surely you want to further understanding on this Earth, to bring people closer together and connect human beings across cultural divides? But if we make attempts to understand people different to us taboo, then this is impossible?
Thank you for writing vulnerably and using this experience to humbly teach us from your mistakes. I'm so sorry for how you and your son were treated, and the psychosomatic ramifications of that for the both of you. The compounding pressures of discrimination, parenting without a wider support system, and being in the public view is a lot to bear. I stopped watching the video near the start because I suspected it would be taken down, but I appreciate the lessons you shared here. Wishing you all a safe return to China and looking forward to your future work.
You start a wildly successful YouTube channel, but refuse to monetize it.
You perpetuate the asian stereotype of the horrible father who beats their kids, even while in the presence of yours
Your wife raised at least one spoiled child who hasn't been taught boundaries
You haven't even been around enough to learn how to parent effectively, and now you've decided that your wife must always be in your childs presence
Youve abused and/or neglected your son on two consecutive days
Your conclusion? "Canada is to blame!"
You are the very definition of a narcissist, and you're not fit to be a parent. Get your ass back to the utopia that is China, where abusers are apparently the norm (where did that stereotype originate again? Oh right)
His kids are likely to have a top 1% life. They have a stay-at-home mother, a high-IQ father who genuinely loves his family and wants the best for his kids, who also happens to be an educator with experience at all ages of education, and a rich environment full of stimulation.
You are casting severe negative judgements against another parent... would you mind asserting your qualifications for such judgement? How many children do you have, and how long have you been married?
Being sons of a smart guy doesn't make you smart, being smart doesn't make you rich and being rich doesn't make you happy. His kids need a more emotionally sensitive father, and I don't mean that in the modern sense, there's a timeless subconscious wisdom men possess through decades of hardships and when they are of sound mind, they use this to understand and help their children have a leg up in life. Bad parents fail to do this. Jiang is also failing to do this. A lack of good father figure will always be a significantly worse issue than poverty or any other hardship. You can't have a good character otherwise.
Don't listen to colonizers and those POC with a colonizer and/or colonized mindset. Their parenting is what got us people like Trump, Mileikowsky, the Clintons, Killer Kamala, Genocide Joe, etc. They coddle until narcissism seeps into their children's DNA. And yes, best to be in China. The West is a dying corpse. I would leave the US in a bloody heartbeat if circumstances allowed. Much love to you, Professor. Stay stubborn!
Thank you. Things are really bad here. It's unimaginable how bad they are until you actually experience it yourself. Covid broke the West. It's night and day. Before Covid, Canadians would be pretty understanding people, sympathetic to a dad trying to take care of two little boys. Now they're all looking to attack you for the slightest infraction -- it's scary and insane.
Don’t you see this Lily East user is a simpleton (or a bot)? “Their parenting got us [random list of US figures]”? This is an asinine—frankly, bizarre—statement. Bad company to keep.
But also…I think you’re aggrandizing these parenting vignettes. Unfortunately, they are not reflections of Canada and the west as much as you might hope.
Look, you took some Ls. Spanking your kid—esp to the point where a bystander said they’d kill you?—is not a norm here, and thats fine. don’t lament it so much as though it’s some miracle practice.
And then you let your kid wander off out of sight, even though he has “nightmares of being kidnapped”.
_Every_ parent screws up some times. You’re not a monster; This doesn’t define you; You’re okay, and your son will be too.
But don’t blame it on Canada and racism, and some Great Collapse of The West. Just learn and move on.
Yup. Canada turned into Amurrrka while most of the world wasn't paying attention. But then again what do we expect from a colonizing people who annihilated the indigenous of Canada.
You would be licking dog feaces if not for the west. It's not in a good state even then it's better than the gore galore of China. The Chinese are autistic, narcissistic psychopaths. Jiang himself exemplifies this so well. I never trusted him due to his love of Xi. @jiang you behave overly cold and selfish with your kids and cannot accurately model the thought process of others, at least not of whites. China will certainly fit you and your behavior much more.
Hmmm, Intelligence arouses fear and respect, the lack of it keeps one on the narrow-minded road of disrespect, stupidity and inferiority complex. Professor Jiang's courage to be authentic, intelligent, fallible and transparent is too scary for you, you're nothing but a close-minded racist stupid and inane insignificance!
Jiang isn't the only one with theories and multidisciplinary knowledge. He certainly isn't the best at them. I appreciate genius, beauty and whatever gets us closer to God's grace and love. I will never see it in the smug or selfish. And I will never accept this smug selfishness as intelligence.
I maybe racist, but in today's society, to not be is the closeminded position.
As for courage, it's helpful to realise that there's courage in murder and even still, Jiang isn't clearly aware of the weight of his actions. It shows stupidity, a lacking--no ounce of courage. None in beating your child and finding him collapsed the next day on the road. He didn't even get him a hospital check up!
It's not the state sponsored position, one doesn't stumble into it in the 21stc West, one must trek into it. I believe everyone's life matters but also people are fundamentally different due to genetics, culture and economics. Ethnostates are the only possible system which allow for national unity.
It seems to me you maybe Palestinian, I don't support Israel and what they've done to you, neither does most of the West. We want the same forces killing you and destroying us out, but they cannot be identified as the west itself, that's a dangerous and needlessly violent game.
You get the energy you give. I don't wish ill of the Chinese but you wish ill of the West. Hate disguised as principles and principles demeaned as hate. People invert your and mine's ideologies.
I hesitate to make this comment; how can a single comment hope to address such personal issues, but here I go...
I'll refrain from being overly judgmental, the situation more complex than a blog post, but unlike most every other comment I won't tell you 'it's okay, it happens', I am here to say what you wrote here should be deeply concerning to you.
⚠The judgments I do have are not an attack, but as an appeal to you to introspect.
I know and know of several people in academia who have dysfunctional relationships with their children, it is unusually common, but not a foregone conclusion.
Your words had me raising an eyebrow, but then I showed the post to my partner (she has an almost supernatural ability to assess human dynamics) and she was disturbed by the contents of the post, and reacted much more harshly than I here.
You identify some of your shortcomings as a person/father and you even recognize that they were wrong, but what you wrote here is a 'self report' as the kids would say. You repeatedly find causes elsewhere for your behavior. Even when facing the consequences, you do not investigate your own part in it enough. You almost sound upset that there are consequences. But when a person does something wrong it is GOOD that they face repercussions.
It is GOOD you were humiliated for hitting a child - people who hit children should be made to suffer, it is GOOD that the incident in the park caused a debacle - irresponsible behavior should come with pain that will teach you a lesson. And consider that you got off easy, some people would gladly get physical at anyone who strikes a child.
I'm not judging you for making mistakes or making wrong choices - it is part of beign human and certainly part of being a parent - I'm judging you if you fail too look within, to confront your 'inner wretchedness' as I call it, and blame the world or society instead.
It was not the Canadian culture that made you spank your child, or let him wander off so that he passed out among strangers, or made your other child look for him, or that you've only now spent time with them by yourself, or that they know about video games at such a young age, or consume too much sugar. That's on you and your partner. Own it. As I read your responses to the comments it seems you are capable of that and plan to change, which is good.
So... if you feel like China is a better place for your family, by all means go there and best of luck, but please consider whether going to China is simply a way of you choosing an environment that will allow you to continue not addressing your behavior.
You can go away from Canada, you cannot go away from yourself ☝
One thing I will agree with the other comments is that you should refrain from sharing your personal life along your academic content. The world does not need another Jordan Peterson situation.
The capacity to recognize when one is wrong and change is the foundation of our strength as individuals. The greater strength lies in our connections to others, and the social mechanisms that polarize us on the issue of physical punishment is no different.
We recall a passage from "Between The World and Me" (recommended reading btw) that explains why physical punishment is not just a practice but an instinct among populations that were formerly slaves. When the life of your child depends on their behavior immediately being corrected because your owners could easily kill them for any social misstep or inkling of rebellious thought, parents learned the terrible cost of not acting swiftly and mercilessly to protect their children's lives. This is not hyperbole; this is a social reality that continues today. Police kill black boys and men all the time in the U.S. and their parents are rightfully afraid. They take the action necessary to protect their children's _lives_, which every parent worth a damn would do. Naturally, this fear-based activity has seeped into every other minority group because they can clearly see how other minorities are killed. The social power of acceptable state violence should not be underestimated. It can make good people do really bad things.
All of this is to say looking inward is a luxury we have, and we commend you for pointing it out, but the real source of the problem is our society and how it operates to alienate and subjugate us, even to our own children. It is terrible and should be one of many aspects of our lives that we should rise against.
I really don't mean to be rude, but much of what you said is tangential to what I said. Issues like police brutality in the US, while serious, did not make this professor in Canada do what he did. He's in Toronto, not Baltimore. The reason lies elsewhere. I know what pressure can do to a parent, particularly if they have unresolved issues from their childhood.
My mother was an unwanted child that grew up in an abusive household, she left home at 18. Not 2 years later she got pregnant with her boyfriend (my father) a not-at-all responsible man, making life even harder for herself. At 20 she got married and gave birth. The marriage was abusive and a dysfunctional, they divorced after 2 years, in the middle of the breakup of Yugoslavia (a violent and chaotic time). After a messy divorce she was now a single mother with no education, no family, and a deadbeat ex husband who did not pay child support.
She was under immense stress and while she did not resort to physical abuse, she was verbally abusive and short-tempered. She had to overcome both economic and personal hurdles to provide and be a better mother, but she did, so I know it can be done, the cycle can be broken. Everyone's journey is different, but it always begin in recognizing your part in the problem and your power to act and work towards change.
We have faith in Prof. Jiang because of his self-reflection and self-correction. But the confluence of reasons for this event were largely outside of his control, even established as social standards before any of us were born. To avoid these sorts of things we must change ourselves, for sure, but changing social expectations would prevent far more such incidents.
No, nothing about his actions in these specific events were outside of his control. There were no societal expectation that made him act this way, in fact the societal expectation of a Western country would demand he act in another way, it's why he faced such a backlash.
What was out of his control were the events of his life and the conditions into which he was born, they shaped him as they shape us all. And of course these things formed at least in part his personality hat dictate his behavior. Understanding this over time made me understand why my mother was not always perfect - she acted the best way she knew how with how life shaped her. Again, we all make mistakes, but the capacity to recognize and correct our behavior is another matter.
Personal responsibility is still a thing. Believing otherwise perpetuates the kind of mentality that tells people that their mistakes are not their fault and prevents them from bettering themselves.
When we first came to Toronto, I bought my boys expensive and organic sweets. They refused to touch it. My middle son likes ice cream, and that's about it. But if he eats too much ice cream he throws up, and develops intestinal issues. It's a delicate balance.
Sounds like lactose intolerance and the all too common sugar and stimulant dependence, which unfortunately leads to the crash and tantrums.
Try to develop a taste for natural foods, by way of example.
I used to binge on ice cream too, but at age 20 realised I was lactose intolerant (hence acne, pulmonary and digestive issues). Cow milk is an acquired taste which I reckon we have to move away from.
Transitioned to vegan, plant based diet and mysteriously these issues were solved. Also incorporating fermented foods like sauerkraut and tempeh to build a healthy microbiome.
Nowadays I do not crave any sweets (except maybe homemade treats using natural sweeteners like maple syrup or dates). I do eat fresh fruits in the morning, followed by dried fruits, nuts and oats in the afternoon and c large portion of vegetables and grains in the evening. Like this, I have no cravings for any dessert/sweets after dinner.
Just sharing what worked for me. Wishing you best of luck.
He is very rebellious and independent. If you ask him to eat ice cream everyday, he will refuse, and ask for fruits instead. Then he'll see you smirking for out-smarting him, and he'll seek vengeance on your duplicity -- such as running away.
Professor Jiang 4-year kids are a handful. Almost like preparing for a teenage upside down circus. My friend's 4-year-old daughter screamed at her mom when she was told to pick up her toys and also not pulling the dog's ear: “You are not the boss! Barack Obama is the boss!” Now she vehemently denies when we try to remind her upside down logic:) We just take things easy with her because we know how smart she is, and she knows that too:)
My toddler is the same. Toddler won't eat enough calories at lunch, but i can get her to eat a few more bites if i promise to give her ice cream. I have to pretend like icecream is a rare and special thing.
The protein, calcium, and sugars are a perfect brain food --- so I feel good about giving it to her.
The additives in many icecreams are a concern, I try to avoid any icecream with carageenan.
Homemade frozen yogurt is a nice workaround to ensure the ice cream has minimal ingredients.
Professor, I thank you for opening my eyes to history and politics in a way I never thought possible. Your clear, passionate teaching has sparked a love for these subjects I never had before.
As a parent, I’ve made MANY mistakes too—some very similar to what you described—and I know the pain of public scrutiny. Please know I don’t think less of you for sharing your story; I think more of you for being honest and human.
Your work has inspired even my own writing—I’ve shared two poems (one on my Substack and one with you via pm) that came directly from your videos. Thank you for being real, and for the incredible work you do. The world needs voices like yours, and I’m so grateful you keep speaking.
I appreciated this open and honest, self aware take.
Are you familiar with the work of Gabor Maté? Maybe some of his parenting lessons and talks about childhood development would be helpful. He has multiple books and lectures on YouTube about parenting.
The main takeaway for me is that to make sure you don't take your stress out on your children, since they absorb it, is to work hard on learning to de-stress yourself. Prioritizing your happiness and calm, grounding yourself as best you can and modeling emotional resilience and acceptance for your children to witness might go a long way.
But there is no perfect answer to being a parent and it's easy to spout theory. But I do think energy travels so make sure to take care of yourself. You can't pour from an empty cup. I hope you find some practices that help you de-stress and find more joy in the present moment. You talk about heavy stuff. It's important you find ways to have fun and enjoy. I don't think it will takeaway from your work.
I just want to voice agreement about checking out Gabor Maté. His talks about trauma have been incredibly helpful for me.
Great point. The professor talks about his own trauma in his post. Gabor talks quite a bit about how trauma shapes us, our decisions, and how we show up in our relationships with ourselves and others. And most importantly, how to heal ourselves as well.
I would love for people liking this comment to check my substack out 😁
https://schoolofkuu.substack.com/
I DID NOT comment for potential advertisement purposes but people are liking the comment and I think my content is genuinely helpful and good so here we are lol
Indeed, a thoughtful sharing. “Agency is neither attitude nor affect, neither blind acceptance nor a rejection of authority. It is a self-bestowal of the right to evaluate things freely and fully, and to choose based on authentic gut feelings, deferring to neither the world’s expectations nor the dictates of ingrained personal conditioning.”
― Gabor Maté, The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture
I have the book but haven't read it. I know it's gotta be great. Have you enjoyed it?
Based on this and the video I think you need to get your child evaluated for health and behavioral issues. His behavior does sound abnormal for a 4 year old. However, things like blaming him for wanting sweets and suggesting that affects his eyesight (at 4) and how you described his feelings and motivations as a middle child tells me that you need to work on your empathy for your child. Just like you don't know what the motivations of the teenagers at the pools were, you don't know your sons motivations until you can build trust enough to ask him and get a truthful answer. You both need therapy. The idea that a parent believes their 4 year old is inherently bad is very dangerous.
I do not believe that my child is inherently bad. I just had a long conversation with my wife about what happened this past week, and I apologized to her for putting her two sons in such dangerous situations. She believes that the main problem is that my middle son and I have different worldviews and personalities, which leads to conflict and misunderstandings. My wife believes that my middle son finds me aloof and distant (which I can be), and does not believe I love him. Sometimes, I over-react and sometimes I under-react, which is all very confusing to him. This trip to Canada may prove to be traumatic to him, and my wife says that she will focus on paying more attention to him when he returns to Beijing. The best therapy in the world is a mother's love.
The things the Professor described does not warrant this type of arrogance towards his parenting, let alone anyone. One cannot possibly know the entirety of a family's inner dynamics, despite the Professor being very open of these recent incidents. Children are children, some are naughty, some are calmer. They are not some well-trained, command-ready pets. And he is only 4 for God's sake.
On another note, dear Professor, if your beloved middle son has problems with eyesight, that might contribute to his naughtiness (independently from his unique personality). My cousin used to be very naughty and also could act extremely violently when he was 3-6 years of age. It turned out he had big problems with his eyesight. With eye treatment and glasses, he calmed down significantly.
Kissing the ground is almost always my first reaction I return to my home countru from my simple European touristic journeys. So I can only imagine your frustration given that you were assessing possibilities of a future in Canada with your family.
Glad to have found you and your channel. Looking forward to learning from you.
I'm not sure if you saw the video. He spanked and slapped a 4 year old who was screaming crying because of chlorine in his eye to the point that an adult and the staff intervened and called the police. That is not normal and, giving him the benefit of the doubt, the way he described that his son acts doesn't sound normal either. I'm not being arrogant, I understand how traumatic family systems are created and would not like to see any child brought up in one when other things are possible. I also believe the Professor is capable of doing better.
Western values are very different from its eastern counterparts (from Eastern Europe to Middle East to Asia) and are difficult to get accustomed to due to neoliberal decay (although it is applicable to most countries to some extent)
The best therapy in the world is having two parents who want to be the best parents they can be. It's not just a Mother's Love, it is your love too.
Parental responsibility is bestowed on a mother and father as one of sacred service and a gift of creation and needs to be respected as such... possibly more than any other service. It is not transactional and calls for no obligation in return from young ones. If there is a tendency to dominate and control, this needs to be nipped in the bud.
Gentle love, care, nurturance, protection and guidance are what is needed until the child can think and act with intelligence and conscience. Our presence, awareness, morality and emotional attunement with our children helps to support their unique gifts and individual development.
Yes I agree. More than they want candy and video games, he wants a strong connection with you. Just curious, how much time do you spend playing with your children? The best therapy is both parents love.
1) Processed sugar can cause behavior issues, especially affecting developing children.
2) Video games and excessive screen time can cause extreme damage to children's eyesight. One of the biggest concerns of parents in my practice (most parents cannot fathom why, which is the bigger issue).
3) I am not sure that you look like someone who should give health advice. Sorry.
Anyway, of course all children are unique, and some are quite a handful. Not all parents and children get along, nor will they ever get along. Personalities clash.
With that said, like the professor, I was abused as a child. My mother would be dangerously violent for no reason quite often. We never saw eye to eye up until her passing. Our worldviews were so different, and it was what it was.
Anyway, what my mom did was in no way what my father did. His occasional spankings on the bum only occurred as needed, and they always woke me up to pay attention. I swore that hitting children was not a way to parent. I have no use for child or animal abusers. However, maybe especially for boys, spanking and discipline from the father is sometimes warranted and needed. People need to understand the world and consequences. Part of the problem with places like Canada.
Not a parent, didn't watch the video, am completely clueless. Nonetheless, I have an opinion!
Personally if it was my child I would be somewhat satisfied with this. If at the age of 4 he is independent enough to go out like that and start demanding ice cream from strangers, he is doing a good job. Yes he fainted, but that is inevitable. Growth will always have an element of danger and pain. To resist those elements is to condemn that child to stagnancy, a kind of half-life. I am biased here because that was my life, if I have children it will very much be the pendulum swinging to the opposite extreme (unless I have moderated by the time I have kids). The key to this is that the child believes that they are operating independetly and are outside the parent's line of sight, whilst actually not being so. To maintain a watchful and protective eye on them without them knowing, and ideally without the possibility of their knowing threatening their independence later down the line.
Again, an uninformed opinion, but it seems therapy is a joke. I have been to very good therapists in my life. They are good people, but they do not do anything I cannot do on my own! I don't doubt that perhaps my psychological state could be helped through some sort of arrangement with another person, similar to therapy. But the institution of "therapy" as it exists in the West is a joke. There are good therapists, no doubt, but therapy is not good, and certainly not needed. It is institutionalised rationalisation and excuse-making.
As for abnormality, is this not good? I don't know about anyone else, but I don't want my kids to be "normal". They deserve better than to be a statistic. They deserve, fundamentally, to be human, to be alive, to be REAL. Forcing them to conform to an arbitrary and comedic standard of "normality" is cruel and offensive. It's like saying "yes I brought you into this world, but I don't actually care about you, I see you as an ornament". It is disrespectful. Children are not a function to be optimised, they are people.
Ahh, my parenting opinions are all incorrect, I will change them undoubtedly when I come to raise kids. But the vibes will likely remain the same, whether they are correct or not.
on your point on therapy: i'm in therapy now and it's EXTREMELY helpful, but i have also saw a different therapist for 2.5 years and got nowhere. i think people (esp Americans) suggest therapy as a solution to everything, because it can be scary to figure out how to navigate all the shit you can experience as a human and it's hard to find healthy ways to deal with it. however, therapy isn't accessible to many, it's also NOT perfect or even a great solution for certain people.
i think my thing is...being able to take responsibility for your decisions--no matter how they turned out--is always going to be better than blaming someone else/pretending like you have no idea how your life got the way it is. i feel like the prof is at least attempting to do that here. it's hard to do that publicly, and i appreciate his willingness for the most part. there are many ways of doing taking responsibility for your actions/your life, and many ways of dealing with normal human issues. therapy is ONE way that helps SOME people. but i think many people also use it ("you NEED to go to therapy. it's the only way to deal with this.") as a way to not engage deeply with uncomfortable/nuanced issues.
are you serious? the first incident was understandable, Jiang.
but this time, YOU let your child run off; found him unconscious; got threatened to have the Children’s Aid Society come after you; and somehow realized that this was a sign from god to leave Canada? really?
this is the second incident, presumably, in the same week.
you screwed up, not with the youtube video, not by spanking your child, but truly, by letting him run off, especially at such a young age, in a country where he doesn't even speak ENGLISH.
what were you thinking, Jiang?
it may appear as if i'm being rough on you.
but, get it together, because the sign from god is to be more careful with your children, not whatever the hell you think it is.
i pray you don't allow another incident like this, because next time, you might not get the chance to fix things before something irreversible happens.
Thank you. This is a fair criticism. I usually don't let him out of my sight. But I screwed up today, and I freely admit it. This won't happen again.
There's no signs from any gods. Only rationalizations for your mind to justify what it already wants to do. You want to leave Canada and return to Beijing, guarantee had been thinking about it, and came up with this idea of a sign from god to justify it to yourself.
I get it, I used to think the same way. Was brainwashed by Christianity as a child. But I've spent decades rewiring my brain to cut out the ficticious middle man and take control of my own actions and thoughts. It can help you greatly with self control if you realize it's all on you to regulate yourself. No invisible sky entity needed.
Humans have a free will but the irony is that we can never wield it once we grow our consciousness from being a toddler. Our brain is preequipped with some fundamental structures to interpret the world. So even though you think you are making your own choices in life, you are being heavily influenced by your environment, friends, culture and the world.
Stop judging yourself. Pro lesson don’t air your personal life on the internet. It’s full of people who are full of themselves♥️
Yeah this makes me terribly said; here we have one of the greatest instructors of our age explaining himself to a population which can include 16 year olds in their parents basement. The Professor does not owe any of us shit except to sharpen our thinking. His channel never promised anyone he was the perfect model for a father. Peoples entitlement in giving him unsolicited advice is actually a sign of whatever comes next, if not the end! I wouldn't even deign to address this man out of respect for his mind, but here's some non-brainer telling him how to organize his life. Some world!
There's no signs from any gods. Only rationalizations for your mind to justify what it already wants to do. You want to leave Canada and return to Beijing, guarantee had been thinking about it, and came up with this idea of a sign from god to justify it to yourself.
I get it, I used to think the same way. Was brainwashed by Christianity as a child. But I've spent decades rewiring my brain to cut out the ficticious middle man and take control of my own actions and thoughts. It can help you greatly with self control if you realize it's all on you to regulate yourself. No invisible sky entity needed.
That's literally what he just said, he was contemplating whether to be in Canada or China and this whole event that was out of his control was a sign for him to leave Canada and he is probably right, this will help to protect himself and keep him safe so its good for him and protective. I don't believe in coincidences.
Stop humiliating yourself and trauma-dumping in the comments.
Yes IT will be for sure better for him
He need to escape from this Canada insanity to normal place where you can slap/spank your kid in public or let the 4 Years old kid be alone without even knowimg language
F R E E D O M
We left r/atheism behind after covid
Oh stop it with the new age let the kids run around like savages. I was spanked as a child. We all make mistakes in the middle of frustrating situations that we haven’t dealt with before. I find your tone very condescending. You sound like those people that love to call 911 if you hear a mom say no to a kid in a store and the tantrums begin. Well, get a grip. The world is not spinning around the ego. Children are hard to raise. The me too movement and the can’t even say you look great today I love your hair causes a lawsuit as if it’s an insult to compliment a person or how dare you notice I’m a woman bull crap. You might even be accused of worse things. We are in a judgmental world and people like you and the fat one talking about health lol🙄🙄🙄 you are internet warriors and trolls. And which of the millions of gods are you referring to? Which sugar daddy in the sky? I’m pretty sure it’s not the god that says judge not lest ye be judged😂
One of the aspects of 'genius' is having the ego-strength / confrontational nature to stand up to the status quo. Hence getting into trouble pretty easily. Maybe the naughty son is the most like you? Ha.
It's been such a fun ride following you. I've watched 95% of your content, almost finished (and excited for the coming semester with you).
I also lived in asia for many years, and came back to "the west" recently. Similar shock as you, the culture changes and price hikes, the divisiveness.
Don't sweat the kidcident. Your latest vision is correct, get out of there. Let the wife manage the kids while you focus mental energy on a vision for a global movement. Glad you came to your senses! Phew. Keep us updated!
Yes, my naughty son is very much like me. That's why we can't stand each other. And I know myself enough to know I can't beat him in the end.
A concept from one of my favorite books (relates to game theory): there are two types of games. (1) Games we play to win, and (2) games we play to keep playing. Finite and infinite games. We play infinite games for the sheer enjoyment of play. Like love, relationships, teaching, and deepstate corruption, the players want the play to continue. Infinite games can be composed of many smaller finite games, but all players know they want the infinite game to continue. Book author is James P Carse. Profound and perhaps inspirational, should you ever be in the mood for non-classics reading. Keep your head up Prof, you're an amazing person and exception father, your children are lucky to have you. Honored to be here. Wish you a safe flight home.
Lolololol WOW, Jay B, please enlighten us with more of your wisdom on parenting, body and emotion awareness, and the role of wife and husband. I'm guessing you have many children and a perfect marriage to arrive at such wisdom that you can lecture other parents and "know" what toddlers are feeling despite never meeting them. Your comments were so truthful and constructive, you've not only show the Prof that you are a superior intellect, you've shown me the error of my ways. You're comments like "you cant..." and "you need {{this thing you dont have but I, Jay B, have}}" have changed my life for the better. You topped it off with "good luck with your trauma" which has me dazzled with your wonderful aura. Your emotional awareness is peaking bro. My wife married the wrong man, if only she met you first!
I hope the prof won't mind that I confront some of you turkeys with your keyboard gobbles. Feel free to enlighten us with more of your valuable, constructive wisdom! How should we undo the hurting, would more icecream fix it?
4 years old are unbearable. That’s why they are cutest looking at that age, to protect them from violence and rage of parents. Also they need a leash and emotional contact with parent at this age. Not with a teacher, educator or controller, but with you as a human being. The way your son acts is all right but may turn wrong direction in future. Problem is you taking path of least resistance. Slapping is a lazy way. Giving too much freedom is a indulgence to yourself being busy with other things but children.
I highly recommend Robert Sapolski book “Behave”. To get deeper into human behavior.
I wish you the best
I don't communicate with my child enough. He wants me to tell him stories. I want him to play in the pool or in the park, while I sit there, and brainstorm ideas for videos. You are absolutely right. I'm there physically, but not emotionally. That's the root of his misbehavior -- he's desperate for attention.
I think this is it, and I had a very similar experience with my father at his age. I'm sure there are many cases. I now work as a child psychiatrist (possibly with the hope of better understanding human behaviour) but nothing compares to the difficulties and challenges of one's own children. I think your diagnosis of the issue here is apt, you can't have it both ways or take shortcuts with your children, they need and want your full attention and they know when it isn't right.
I can understand why he loves having you tell him stories, you are a very gifted story teller! Your videos are proof of your talents. Being a human is hard. Never mind being so vulnerable to share publicly and open yourself up to criticism and scrutiny of others. We all have struggles and must endure this lifetime to grow, change and evolve. Be kind and compassionate to yourself even as you make mistakes and learn from them. Easier said than done.
My fondest childhood memory was sleeping in on the weekends with my dad. We would lie in bed with him telling me stories in history like that of 刘邦和项羽 (I'm Chinese who immigrated to Canada at young age like you did). Most of his stories had some moral lessons to them, and I absolutely idolize my dad. I also developed a lifelong love of history hence watching your videos and becoming a fan. But my dad was a doctor and super busy, he would also speak me as I got in more and more trouble. Eventually, we grew apart as I got older. I am now father of a two-year old toddler. I vowed to myself to try to be the best dad I can be and grow up with my boy. As much I love watching and learning from your videos, I truly hope you can make LESS videos and spend more time with your young children. One way or the other, they will grow up in no time, and you don't want to have regrets like my parents do because they missed out on their son's childhood while they were busy working. Your children is God's blessing to you, and you don't want to squander it!
want to add. my personal experience: more protein and minimum sugar. 4 years old do not need ice cream at all. Sugar affects behavior badly
Mistakes are part of life. Acceptance is part of us being human. 🙏
I’m from Canada myself (Quebec) and I definitely agree that it is a dying society. I don’t see it lasting another 50-100 years as a whole country. The western provinces will most likely separate along with Quebec.
The government has intentionally destroyed its collective identity, which is unrecognizable from what it was 50 years ago.
Something to consider, perhaps, is what type of project/outlet Predictive History is. Up until recently the youtube videos read to me as an intellectual project, but recently they seem to have become a personal outlet. A physically dangerous mix, it seems. I never watched the video, but I am not surprised by all this. The increased focus on Canada felt to me more like a rant, and I did not treat the argument with the same respect I've given other videos. Perhaps Canada could have been treated as case study. Perhaps Jiang's own experience could have been presented as framing, an acknowledgment that personal experience is limited in its rhetorical applications. Instead it seems the channel, and indeed the larger community project, has become a vehicle for a more personal type of self-expression. Personally, I am interested in lectures. not influencing.
Thank you for this. I will stick to analysis in the future.
As a Canadian, I agree that the social dynamic can be stifling and “statically charged” — ppl _hate_ to stand out.
That being said, from what you’ve shared, I don’t think the way these events rolled out is particular to Canada — for example, spanking is extremely disapproved of in most of the western world, regardless of parental race. I would like to stress that I’m not invalidating any racism you felt in these experiences as a whole though.
I am sorry and saddened that you have not felt at home here Prof Jiang. It’s probably best not to share personal things (at least, personal “dramas”), even though your innate educator wants to share your insights. At the least, it’s very psychologically punishing to try and weigh the spectrum of the hundreds of opinions you’re receiving.
Take care and just ride this out to the other side.
it's a hard road to walk, trying to educate on social media. there are basically no structures in place to support scholarship the way that journals have editors and such... and the (plat)form does create an impetus to be more personal. More than that, really. it rewards it.
whoever deleted that reply about jiang's post being an "eastern saving face" thing - that's some loaded 1800s white colonizer bullshit. leave it in the grave with the east india company please and thank you.
Why not? Are we not allowed to understand cultures on their own terms?
Perhaps "eastern saving face" is a wrong assessment of things. Certainly westerners save face too. But you don't reject it because you claim it is factually incorrect, or perhaps inaccurate and misleading even as a mere generalisation. You reject it because you see it as "morally incorrect" and "outdated".
If we make it impossible to try to understand people because we might "dip into old and unpleasant views", then other cultures will ALWAYS remain alien to us. Surely you want to further understanding on this Earth, to bring people closer together and connect human beings across cultural divides? But if we make attempts to understand people different to us taboo, then this is impossible?
lol.
It shows you're human, man, smart but human.
Thank you for writing vulnerably and using this experience to humbly teach us from your mistakes. I'm so sorry for how you and your son were treated, and the psychosomatic ramifications of that for the both of you. The compounding pressures of discrimination, parenting without a wider support system, and being in the public view is a lot to bear. I stopped watching the video near the start because I suspected it would be taken down, but I appreciate the lessons you shared here. Wishing you all a safe return to China and looking forward to your future work.
Dear prof:
You start a wildly successful YouTube channel, but refuse to monetize it.
You perpetuate the asian stereotype of the horrible father who beats their kids, even while in the presence of yours
Your wife raised at least one spoiled child who hasn't been taught boundaries
You haven't even been around enough to learn how to parent effectively, and now you've decided that your wife must always be in your childs presence
Youve abused and/or neglected your son on two consecutive days
Your conclusion? "Canada is to blame!"
You are the very definition of a narcissist, and you're not fit to be a parent. Get your ass back to the utopia that is China, where abusers are apparently the norm (where did that stereotype originate again? Oh right)
Exactly. This guy is insane and he doesn't even know it. His kids are in for a rough life.
His kids are likely to have a top 1% life. They have a stay-at-home mother, a high-IQ father who genuinely loves his family and wants the best for his kids, who also happens to be an educator with experience at all ages of education, and a rich environment full of stimulation.
You are casting severe negative judgements against another parent... would you mind asserting your qualifications for such judgement? How many children do you have, and how long have you been married?
Being sons of a smart guy doesn't make you smart, being smart doesn't make you rich and being rich doesn't make you happy. His kids need a more emotionally sensitive father, and I don't mean that in the modern sense, there's a timeless subconscious wisdom men possess through decades of hardships and when they are of sound mind, they use this to understand and help their children have a leg up in life. Bad parents fail to do this. Jiang is also failing to do this. A lack of good father figure will always be a significantly worse issue than poverty or any other hardship. You can't have a good character otherwise.
> starts off as seemingly genuine apology
> devolves into egotistical rant to establish position of moral superiority
Nice apology bro
>>4cuck arrows
Go back to 4cuck.
Don't listen to colonizers and those POC with a colonizer and/or colonized mindset. Their parenting is what got us people like Trump, Mileikowsky, the Clintons, Killer Kamala, Genocide Joe, etc. They coddle until narcissism seeps into their children's DNA. And yes, best to be in China. The West is a dying corpse. I would leave the US in a bloody heartbeat if circumstances allowed. Much love to you, Professor. Stay stubborn!
Thank you. Things are really bad here. It's unimaginable how bad they are until you actually experience it yourself. Covid broke the West. It's night and day. Before Covid, Canadians would be pretty understanding people, sympathetic to a dad trying to take care of two little boys. Now they're all looking to attack you for the slightest infraction -- it's scary and insane.
Don’t you see this Lily East user is a simpleton (or a bot)? “Their parenting got us [random list of US figures]”? This is an asinine—frankly, bizarre—statement. Bad company to keep.
But also…I think you’re aggrandizing these parenting vignettes. Unfortunately, they are not reflections of Canada and the west as much as you might hope.
Look, you took some Ls. Spanking your kid—esp to the point where a bystander said they’d kill you?—is not a norm here, and thats fine. don’t lament it so much as though it’s some miracle practice.
And then you let your kid wander off out of sight, even though he has “nightmares of being kidnapped”.
_Every_ parent screws up some times. You’re not a monster; This doesn’t define you; You’re okay, and your son will be too.
But don’t blame it on Canada and racism, and some Great Collapse of The West. Just learn and move on.
Yup. Canada turned into Amurrrka while most of the world wasn't paying attention. But then again what do we expect from a colonizing people who annihilated the indigenous of Canada.
You are racist
And you got props from profesor. Nice xS
Lolz, if you think hating colonizers is racist, you've got issues
Annihilated. Interesting, so there's no or nearly no left right? Not in the hundreds of thousands if not millions as of 2024?
Wow. You're retarded.
No argument imbecile.
You're one to call others retarded, how many of your kind have children with their first and second cousins?
All that but you’re still living in the US? Strange 🤔 how do you endure it? Or are you simply a masochist?
Stuck for now. Life circumstances. I wait.
You would be licking dog feaces if not for the west. It's not in a good state even then it's better than the gore galore of China. The Chinese are autistic, narcissistic psychopaths. Jiang himself exemplifies this so well. I never trusted him due to his love of Xi. @jiang you behave overly cold and selfish with your kids and cannot accurately model the thought process of others, at least not of whites. China will certainly fit you and your behavior much more.
Hmmm, Intelligence arouses fear and respect, the lack of it keeps one on the narrow-minded road of disrespect, stupidity and inferiority complex. Professor Jiang's courage to be authentic, intelligent, fallible and transparent is too scary for you, you're nothing but a close-minded racist stupid and inane insignificance!
Jiang isn't the only one with theories and multidisciplinary knowledge. He certainly isn't the best at them. I appreciate genius, beauty and whatever gets us closer to God's grace and love. I will never see it in the smug or selfish. And I will never accept this smug selfishness as intelligence.
I maybe racist, but in today's society, to not be is the closeminded position.
As for courage, it's helpful to realise that there's courage in murder and even still, Jiang isn't clearly aware of the weight of his actions. It shows stupidity, a lacking--no ounce of courage. None in beating your child and finding him collapsed the next day on the road. He didn't even get him a hospital check up!
How is being racist actually the “open-minded” position? Just curious on your logic.
It's not the state sponsored position, one doesn't stumble into it in the 21stc West, one must trek into it. I believe everyone's life matters but also people are fundamentally different due to genetics, culture and economics. Ethnostates are the only possible system which allow for national unity.
Some1, you are disgusting. Stfu and go back under to whatever rock you slithered out of.
It seems to me you maybe Palestinian, I don't support Israel and what they've done to you, neither does most of the West. We want the same forces killing you and destroying us out, but they cannot be identified as the west itself, that's a dangerous and needlessly violent game.
You make as much sense as a rock sandwich
You get the energy you give. I don't wish ill of the Chinese but you wish ill of the West. Hate disguised as principles and principles demeaned as hate. People invert your and mine's ideologies.
Wtf has China done compared to the innumerable atrocities that the West has? Ask yourself that, racist.
I hesitate to make this comment; how can a single comment hope to address such personal issues, but here I go...
I'll refrain from being overly judgmental, the situation more complex than a blog post, but unlike most every other comment I won't tell you 'it's okay, it happens', I am here to say what you wrote here should be deeply concerning to you.
⚠The judgments I do have are not an attack, but as an appeal to you to introspect.
I know and know of several people in academia who have dysfunctional relationships with their children, it is unusually common, but not a foregone conclusion.
Your words had me raising an eyebrow, but then I showed the post to my partner (she has an almost supernatural ability to assess human dynamics) and she was disturbed by the contents of the post, and reacted much more harshly than I here.
You identify some of your shortcomings as a person/father and you even recognize that they were wrong, but what you wrote here is a 'self report' as the kids would say. You repeatedly find causes elsewhere for your behavior. Even when facing the consequences, you do not investigate your own part in it enough. You almost sound upset that there are consequences. But when a person does something wrong it is GOOD that they face repercussions.
It is GOOD you were humiliated for hitting a child - people who hit children should be made to suffer, it is GOOD that the incident in the park caused a debacle - irresponsible behavior should come with pain that will teach you a lesson. And consider that you got off easy, some people would gladly get physical at anyone who strikes a child.
I'm not judging you for making mistakes or making wrong choices - it is part of beign human and certainly part of being a parent - I'm judging you if you fail too look within, to confront your 'inner wretchedness' as I call it, and blame the world or society instead.
It was not the Canadian culture that made you spank your child, or let him wander off so that he passed out among strangers, or made your other child look for him, or that you've only now spent time with them by yourself, or that they know about video games at such a young age, or consume too much sugar. That's on you and your partner. Own it. As I read your responses to the comments it seems you are capable of that and plan to change, which is good.
So... if you feel like China is a better place for your family, by all means go there and best of luck, but please consider whether going to China is simply a way of you choosing an environment that will allow you to continue not addressing your behavior.
You can go away from Canada, you cannot go away from yourself ☝
One thing I will agree with the other comments is that you should refrain from sharing your personal life along your academic content. The world does not need another Jordan Peterson situation.
-Mark from Slovenia
The capacity to recognize when one is wrong and change is the foundation of our strength as individuals. The greater strength lies in our connections to others, and the social mechanisms that polarize us on the issue of physical punishment is no different.
We recall a passage from "Between The World and Me" (recommended reading btw) that explains why physical punishment is not just a practice but an instinct among populations that were formerly slaves. When the life of your child depends on their behavior immediately being corrected because your owners could easily kill them for any social misstep or inkling of rebellious thought, parents learned the terrible cost of not acting swiftly and mercilessly to protect their children's lives. This is not hyperbole; this is a social reality that continues today. Police kill black boys and men all the time in the U.S. and their parents are rightfully afraid. They take the action necessary to protect their children's _lives_, which every parent worth a damn would do. Naturally, this fear-based activity has seeped into every other minority group because they can clearly see how other minorities are killed. The social power of acceptable state violence should not be underestimated. It can make good people do really bad things.
All of this is to say looking inward is a luxury we have, and we commend you for pointing it out, but the real source of the problem is our society and how it operates to alienate and subjugate us, even to our own children. It is terrible and should be one of many aspects of our lives that we should rise against.
I really don't mean to be rude, but much of what you said is tangential to what I said. Issues like police brutality in the US, while serious, did not make this professor in Canada do what he did. He's in Toronto, not Baltimore. The reason lies elsewhere. I know what pressure can do to a parent, particularly if they have unresolved issues from their childhood.
My mother was an unwanted child that grew up in an abusive household, she left home at 18. Not 2 years later she got pregnant with her boyfriend (my father) a not-at-all responsible man, making life even harder for herself. At 20 she got married and gave birth. The marriage was abusive and a dysfunctional, they divorced after 2 years, in the middle of the breakup of Yugoslavia (a violent and chaotic time). After a messy divorce she was now a single mother with no education, no family, and a deadbeat ex husband who did not pay child support.
She was under immense stress and while she did not resort to physical abuse, she was verbally abusive and short-tempered. She had to overcome both economic and personal hurdles to provide and be a better mother, but she did, so I know it can be done, the cycle can be broken. Everyone's journey is different, but it always begin in recognizing your part in the problem and your power to act and work towards change.
We have faith in Prof. Jiang because of his self-reflection and self-correction. But the confluence of reasons for this event were largely outside of his control, even established as social standards before any of us were born. To avoid these sorts of things we must change ourselves, for sure, but changing social expectations would prevent far more such incidents.
No, nothing about his actions in these specific events were outside of his control. There were no societal expectation that made him act this way, in fact the societal expectation of a Western country would demand he act in another way, it's why he faced such a backlash.
What was out of his control were the events of his life and the conditions into which he was born, they shaped him as they shape us all. And of course these things formed at least in part his personality hat dictate his behavior. Understanding this over time made me understand why my mother was not always perfect - she acted the best way she knew how with how life shaped her. Again, we all make mistakes, but the capacity to recognize and correct our behavior is another matter.
Personal responsibility is still a thing. Believing otherwise perpetuates the kind of mentality that tells people that their mistakes are not their fault and prevents them from bettering themselves.
Did you see the troll? ;P
Nah, I expected people here to be in good faith.
Sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind.
What about the child's diet...?
Dairy? Sugars? Additives? Traumatised animals?
Try fruits and veg exclusively and maybe calming teas and possibly make your own ice cream (just blend frozen bananas or fruit).
Thanks for being and may you be guided by the light.
When we first came to Toronto, I bought my boys expensive and organic sweets. They refused to touch it. My middle son likes ice cream, and that's about it. But if he eats too much ice cream he throws up, and develops intestinal issues. It's a delicate balance.
Does he like any fruit?
Sounds like lactose intolerance and the all too common sugar and stimulant dependence, which unfortunately leads to the crash and tantrums.
Try to develop a taste for natural foods, by way of example.
I used to binge on ice cream too, but at age 20 realised I was lactose intolerant (hence acne, pulmonary and digestive issues). Cow milk is an acquired taste which I reckon we have to move away from.
Transitioned to vegan, plant based diet and mysteriously these issues were solved. Also incorporating fermented foods like sauerkraut and tempeh to build a healthy microbiome.
Nowadays I do not crave any sweets (except maybe homemade treats using natural sweeteners like maple syrup or dates). I do eat fresh fruits in the morning, followed by dried fruits, nuts and oats in the afternoon and c large portion of vegetables and grains in the evening. Like this, I have no cravings for any dessert/sweets after dinner.
Just sharing what worked for me. Wishing you best of luck.
He is very rebellious and independent. If you ask him to eat ice cream everyday, he will refuse, and ask for fruits instead. Then he'll see you smirking for out-smarting him, and he'll seek vengeance on your duplicity -- such as running away.
Professor Jiang 4-year kids are a handful. Almost like preparing for a teenage upside down circus. My friend's 4-year-old daughter screamed at her mom when she was told to pick up her toys and also not pulling the dog's ear: “You are not the boss! Barack Obama is the boss!” Now she vehemently denies when we try to remind her upside down logic:) We just take things easy with her because we know how smart she is, and she knows that too:)
My toddler is the same. Toddler won't eat enough calories at lunch, but i can get her to eat a few more bites if i promise to give her ice cream. I have to pretend like icecream is a rare and special thing.
The protein, calcium, and sugars are a perfect brain food --- so I feel good about giving it to her.
The additives in many icecreams are a concern, I try to avoid any icecream with carageenan.
Homemade frozen yogurt is a nice workaround to ensure the ice cream has minimal ingredients.
You have my support and respect.